Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining
by Chelsea Oz
Summary: An in-progress AU. A burst of thunder sends an emotionally torn Maria back to the Von Trapps the night of the party.
1. Chapter 1

My nerves shake as I pack what little I have brought here into my small carpet bag. Baroness Elsa Shraeder had scared the living daylights out of me and also brought the fires of hell out of me. The anger that was stewing inside me was actually stonger than the fear itself because of her last comment she made.

"I'm sure you'll make a fine nun..."

What was that supposed to mean? Yes, she hit the nail on the head that there was something going on between me and the captain. I tried so hard to conceal the odd feelings I had started to get whenever he was around but I guess I wasn't fooling anyone. Certainly not Brigitta and certainly not Baroness Schraeder. If they could see it, surely everybody else could too, whether or not the spoke up about it.

That's all going to change because I won't be around. As hard as it's going to be to face the Abbey again, it would be better if I just went back to being the nun I wanted to be. It's obvious I have strayed away from God and I need to get back to him. I just need to focus on me and God and forget what the nuns may say or how heartbroken the children are going to be when they wake up to find I'm not here...Stop! I can't think about any of those things. I have to do what I have to do. I finish my packing and I pick up my guitar case while I silently promise God that I would not practice music without permission once I get to the Abbey.

With my bag in one hand, guitar case in the other, and the clothes I came in with on my back, I am prepared to take off. Everybody should be getting ready for the dinner but I still keep very quiet as to not disturb any of the children. I make it down the stairs fine but I dare not open the door until I have another look around. I was still in the clear so I made my break. I sobbed when I made it to the bottom of the stairs. Why am I doing this? How can I do this? I can't; I love those children too much. No, I have to keep moving on. They'll learn to move on without me, after all that letter I wrote them...

Oh Lord, I forgot about that letter I wrote to them! I never even wrote the darn thing! I had every intention to write one and then I never...

That was when I heard a rumble. It was thunder. Oh no, the children are going to be frightened! If this wasn't a sign from God to go back I don't know what was. I believe He never made me leave that bottom step for a reason. I have plenty of time to run back into the house.

" Fraulein Maria," Brigitta shocked me as I skidded through the front door. She was standing there looking as quizzically at me as she does with almost everything and everybody. That girl never misses a trick!

"Brigitta, baby," I say, putting my things down and pulling her into a hug. "Did the thunder frighten you?"

"What thunder?"

"Don't you hear it?"

"No, the band started to play again and they woke me up."

"Oh, well," I didn't know what to say. "Thank God for loud music, huh?"

"You are acting very strange tonight," she says with a worried look. "Why on earth are you going for a walk with your carpetbag?"

"Well..."

"You were going to leave, weren't you?"

"No, honey, it's just..."

"What did we do?"

"Baby, it was nothing you children have done."

"It was us," Brigitta started to cry. "It's always us."

"Listen to me," I took her by the shoulders. I knew what I was doing before was ridiculous and I'm really starting to hate myself. I didn't even leave and look what I've done to her. "I was going to leave. Listen though, I came back for you children. It broke my heart to try to leave but when I heard that thunder I came right back for you. I love you."

"Why would you leave us at all? What made you want to do that?"

"I was scared."

"Scared of what?"

"That I wasn't doing the right thing."

"What is the right thing?"

"I don't think I'll ever know," I finally admitted out loud. I may not be going into detail but I'm not lying to her either. She deserves the truth.

"Are you still scared?"

"A little."

"Just do what you tell us: Just simply remember your favorite things."

"I have," I say with a chuckle. "You children are my favorite things. I came back and saw you and now I don't feel so bad."

It was Brigitta's turn to hug me. We both laughed as we embraced one last time.

"How about you go back to bed?" I suggest with her still in my arms. "I'll be up there soon."

"Thank you for coming back," she says as she plants a kiss on my cheek. I kiss her cheek back and then she runs back up the stairs. I smile to myself knowing now that I really had done the right thing by not leaving.

"Fraulein," I heard Captain's voice boom out of nowhere. "You certainly are not coming to dinner dressed like that are you?"

"Oh no," I say as I look down on myself. "I was feeling restless so I went for a walk."

"Oh, well, you were invited to dinner. Don't you want to come?"

"No, sir. The children and I have a routine of going to bed at the same time so I would like to keep that as such."

"Well, all right then. See you in the morning, Fraulein."

"See you in the morning," I say as I turn on my heels and up the stairs. I smile at the thought of going to bed in the Von Trapp home for another night.

"You could have gone," Brigitta said as I met her on top of the stairs.

"Brigitta, I thought I told you to go to bed," I say as she begins to frown. "Besides, I've frightened you enough, I still wanted you to know that I would be in my own bed while you were in yours. Just like always."

"There's something I never got a chance to say to you downstairs but I want to tell you now..."

"What?"

"I love you, too."


	2. Players Only Love You When They

I really meant it when I told Brigitta to thank God for loud music. I couldn't sleep a wink; I felt terrible for what I had almost done. I watched the rain come pouring down and there was a few lightening flashes that blinded me. I was on guard waiting for at least one of the children to come through my door. Not a single one of them even bothered to knock. Maybe the sound of music was a comfort to them...

I must have dozed off at some point because I remember being surprised at my alarm going off. Seven-fifteen right on the dot as usual. There was nothing usual about me this morning though. Usually I would be running around like a madwoman trying to be on time but this morning I couldn't have cared less. I took my time washing my face and hair in my bathroom sink, I took my time combing my hair afterwords, I stewed over what to wear. I didn't want to wear anything that would set off the captain but I didn't want to wear my Abbey dress either. I decided to wear the dress I had fallen off the boat with, the one where Captain returned home with Baroness Schraeder for the first time. It seemed to be the only logical choice for me or so I thought.

Sure enough, everyone was there before me. The children smiled at me, though no one smiled at me bigger than Brigitta. I usually would say "Good morning", but me being the peculiar mood I was in, I didn't bother. I walked to my end of the table with a stop to rub Brigitta's head. She giggled as my eyes involuntarily turned to the Captain. He looked at me as if I were a stranger and he could very well have been right. Baroness Schraeder looked at me in a strange manner also but that was to be expected.

"Well," Baroness Schraeder piped up as I took my place at last. "Don't you look tired."

"I am," I replied back to her. I wasn't lying.

"That's rude!" Brigitta scolded. Everyone turned their eyes to her in amazement.

"Brigitta, it's okay, honey," I tell her gently. It was rather touching that she was standing up for me.

"Brigitta," Captain's voice boomed. "Do you wish to leave the table?"

"No," Brigitta said, timidly.

"Then apologize to Baroness Schraeder," he said with a swig of juice.

"Father," she was agast.

"Apologize or I will make you leave the table!" he demanded, his voice was getting even louder. Brigitta then got up, went over to Baroness Schraeder and kissed her cheek. Baroness Schraeder reacted in no such way to her kiss and with that, Brigitta ran back to her seat.

"You're a good girl," I told her.

"Don't sympathize with her," Captain hissed at me.

"Fine, I'll leave the table," I say, getting up and leaving.

"Come back!" Came the cry of not the Captain, but from little Gretl. I thought it was about time one of the other children spoke up.

"Don't you want to have breakfast with us?" Marta asked me with sad eyes.

"I'll even share mine with you," Kurt hilariously offered.

"Won't you reconsider?" Liesel asked.

"Looks like they want me to stay," I remarked to the Captain.

"Yes, father. Please say she can stay?" Fredrich pleaded.

"Breakfast won't be the same without her," sweet Louisa said.

"All right," Captain said, not pleased at all. "Fraulein, for the sake of the children, please be seated."

"Well," Baroness said as soon as I was seated and the children's smiles came back. "I all of a sudden don't feel well. I think I will have a tray sent up to me.

"All right, darling," Captain said as he kissed her hand. "I will have Cook send that up soon."

"Thank you."

The children never responded to her. The Baroness looked around and I saw hurt in her eyes. As horrible as this was, I felt no pity for her; she deserved this. As she got up she turned around and said something she never should have.

"Aren't you children going to say anything?"

"Bye!" They all screamed in unison. Oh, the glares I got from the Baroness and the Captain for laughing!


	3. They Will Come And They Will Go

I could see September clouds in the sky that morning and it made me sad. It was only the beginning of August thus far and the colder months were already warning us of what will lie ahead. I enjoyed autumn but hated the fact that winter would be around the corner. This year, I am looking out at the yard full of children laughing and playing together while I sit here, looking on as I solemnly think about how in one month I will not be able to be here for them anymore. Why were winters so long and summers so short? Why?

"Maria?" Gretl asks, stroking my arm with her little hand.

"Yes, Gretl," I reply. I did not even see her come up to me.

"Are you sad?"

"No, honey, I'm not sad," I say, picking her up and plopping her on my lap. "I was just thinking."

"What are you thinking about?"

"About you," I say, kissing her cheek.

"Why me?" She wonders as she nuzzles her face close to my breast.

"I was thinking about how I would love to see you grow up."

"Well," she says as she repositions herself, leaving herself completlely sprawled out across my lap. "Why can't you?"

"I suppose I could," I reply, surprised. Gretl must be taking lessons from Brigitta. I couldn't go on because something I've never seen happen, happened. Captain snuck up behind both of us and began to tickle Gretl's stomach. She laughed hysterically and it wasn't long before he scooped her up in his arms. All the other kids gathered around, giggling along with Gretl, Captain and I. It was such a sweet moment.

"I'm glad to see you happy again," I piped up. I couldn't help myself.

"I had a rough morning but I'm all right now," he said hugging Gretl closer to him. "I'm sorry, Fraulein."

"It's all right, Captain."

"Brigitta," Captain says, putting Gretl down and stretching his arms out to Brigitta. "Come here."

Brigitta smiled one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen. She ran to her father and hugged him even tighter. There was a pause as they hugged but I could tell he grew uncomfortable and he sent the children on their way again much too soon. It was so sweet to see him with the children like that and I frankly was disappointed in him. Something was the matter with him.

"What was that all about?" I asked as I followed him back into the house.

"What was what, Fraulein?" He asked, getting agitated again. He wouldn't look at me.

"Were you putting on a show?"

"What?" He asked, so flabbergasted he turned around this time.

"Oh come on," I was getting agitated now. "You have seven children and you can only give affection two at a time?"

"Fraulein," he said, trying to calm himself. "I love all my children, thank you very much. I just have had a bad morning like I said."

"Why are you so calm now? Don't want to wake the Baroness?"

That hit a nerve. His face had turned red but then it grew sad. My own anger subsided into concern.

"She's not here, she left."

"Why?"

"Why did you try to leave last night?"

"I didn't want to be in the way."

"That's what she said. That's how she felt. At least she had the decency to tell me she was leaving before she took off. You may think of Baroness Shraeder as not much, but at least she's honest about her intentions."

"You're saying I'm not?"

"The truth shall set you free."

"Don't throw the Bible at me!"

"I should give you a Bible because good luck at the Abbey when this is all over!"

That sentence cut me like a knife and he knew it. The devil in his eyes vanished and they became more human again. I, on the other hand, felt like anything but human. I felt shattered and heartbroken.

"You're going to let me go anyway?" I asked, finally able to speak.

"I don't know," he said as he turned his back from me again. A wave of his hand had signaled a surrender. "Just stay until September; I will know what to do by then."

I just didn't even know what to say anymore. Hot tears spilled onto my cheeks and I had no control over them. How could I possibly stay if this was how he felt about me?


	4. Washes You Clean

"Are you all right, dear?"

I didn't turn to look but it was the friendly, familiar voice of Frau Schmidt. I look at her and smile through my tears. I've always liked her; she was no nonsense but very kind at the same time. She almost reminded me of Reverend Mother, another woman who I absolutely adore. I wipe my eyes as she pats me on the back.

"I know," she whispers to me. "He sure can hit below the belt sometimes, can't he?"

"Sometimes," I say, my voice still quivering.

"I tell you what," she says, putting her arm around me. "I'm all done with my special cleanings for the day. I will take over looking after the kids for a while so you can calm down and freshen up."

"It's not your job though..."

"In between governess' I've had to do double duty; a half an hour is not going to kill me."

"Well, if you insist it's no problem..."

"It isn't. Go to the bathroom, wash your face and think. You'll be all right, Maria."

"Thank you."

With that, we finally head our separate ways. I hear the back door slam as I walk into the foyer bathroom. There are just as many bathrooms as there are bedrooms in this house, I have never seen anything like it. I honestly can't believe I get to work in such a glorious home as this one. The marble of the sink and the tile floor is about as cold as Captain's heart; it makes me shiver. I take the white hand towel of the drying rack and run it under hot water. I needed warmth in the worst way and hopefully it manages to shock my tears. I looked in the mirror to see a woman with crusty, baggy eyes, windblown hair, and a playdress on; I didn't know who I was at first.

"What happened to you, Maria?" I ask out loud to the woman in the mirror. She never answers back which is good because I didn't really want to hear the story that I know far too well. Of course I know what happened to Maria and I feel sorry for her.

That was when I threw the towel in the sink and left for my bedroom. I was not going to leave but I was going to get ready for the evening. I already knew what to wear to dinner and that was the blue dress that Captain couldn't resist looking at me with. I want a nice subtle blow for the Baroness even if she wasn't here to see it. A fine nun I would be? Ha! If only she knew what I thought of her right now, If only she knew what I thought of her never-to-be husband for that matter!

Before I could even change my dressing, there was a note with my name on it on my dresser. It was propped up by my lamp which meant someone did indeed want me to notice it as soon as I arrived. I walked over and realized how the writing was much too fancy for Georg's writing; this was a woman's penmanship. I tore it open and gasped at the blunt, brief note from the Baroness:

 _Dear Maria,_

 _You win!_

 _Sincerly,_

 _Elsa_

I begin to shake as I finished the note. I looked down at my naked self and realized my whole body was covered in goosebumps. I wrap my arms around myself to calm myself down but it doesn't seem to help. I couldn't help but wonder if she would be happy with the fact I feel completely broken right now. Did I really win, Elsa? Did I really?


	5. You Will Know

"Fraulein?" Captain asked for me as he knocked on my door.

I was still in a state of shock. I had gathered my strength up enough to finally get done changing into my blue dress. I was able to look in the mirror and maybe it is thanks to the dress, but I felt I had come back to myself when I put it on. I was able to smile a little and for me that was a step up from a couple of minutes ago. Now if only I could keep making steps from my bedroom to out the door and back downstairs. I just couldn't bring myself to do that yet and I've been sitting on my bed ever since.

"Fraulein?" Captain asked and knocked again. Oh boy, am I ready to face him?

"Come in," I say, weakly.

"I know you're in there," he said, kind of threatening. Maybe he didn't hear me?

"I said you could come in!" I almost yell. I rub my temples; I've come to the realization that today has given me a headache.

"Fraulein," he had softened his tone when he walked in. I didn't look up at him nor take my hands away from my head.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Um, dinner will be ready soon."

That was when I finally looked up at him. I felt pity for him the moment I did. There was a pain I didn't realize in his eyes from ever before. The scenes from the day play in my head and I realize I must be crazy for feeling sorry for this man. The pain in his eyes were for his ex-lover, not for his governess who he apparently likes to think screwed everything up.

"Captain," I was getting annoyed already. "Did you really come to my bedroom just to remind me about dinner?"

"No," he admits, swallowing hard. "I've come to apologize; I'm sorry."

"You should be," I respond rather bluntly. I was waiting for him to come back with something fresh but he didn't. Instead he just walked himself over to the window and stared out into the already fading sun. The pity I had felt a few minutes before had come back and I walk myself over to where he is. He gives me a smile when I join him.

"You know, a proper nun knows how to forgive and forget," I tell him. His smile broadens as he takes my hand and gives it a quick kiss. I couldn't have been more pleasantly shocked when he did that. With the hand that he kissed, he begins to lead me out of my bedroom.

"You will join us for dinner, won't you?" He asks.

"Won't I?" I asked, appalled. "It's a house rule that the governess eats meals with the children or don't you remember?"

"I just got carried away is all," he admits. After all, we were still hand in hand but both of us seemed to be in no hurry to let go. "Besides, you look wonderful tonight."

"You think I look wonderful?"

"I don't know what it is about the color blue but you look very nice in it. I know I shouldn't bring her up, but Elsa could never pull off the color blue."

"That's all right," I say. "She wrote me a note, you know."

"A note? Why you of all people? I don't think she said a word to the children..."

"She told me I won."

"What did you win?"

"I don't know and I guess you don't know, either."

"She's jealous."

"Jealous of me?"

"You are wonderful with the children and they love you so much, Maria. We both know that. Elsa couldn't form a connection with them and that was a big reason why she left. Elsa said I needed you more than I could ever need her. I told her that I loved her and she in turn told me she loved me too but not so much that she would sacrifice for my children. That hurt me deeply when she said that. My children are worth it, Maria."

He started to cry. My Lord, I never thought I would see the day. I didn't do anything to try to stop him either. He needs to feel this, I don't think he ever allowed himself to feel this.

"That's why I shut down when my wife died. Me and all the children were in mourning and it killed me to see them like that. If I could have saved them from themselves I would have, but I couldn't. I know I made terrible choices in how I raised them from then on but I needed to survive for myself. I know that sounds selfish..."

"It doesn't," I say, with tears in my own eyes now. If only he knew how much I actually understood.

"I know this house is loaded with staff. You the governess; Frau Schmidt, the housekeeper; Franz, the butler and the cook. I hired these people because even if I couldn't do it myself, I knew the children would be taken care of. If I wasn't here to make sure the children had you people, who would? At least my children have had what they needed, with or without me and their mother."

"You did a good job," I say, patting him on the shoulder. "You are doing a good job."

"So aren't you," he compliments, taking my hand again. "Let's go to dinner now, shall we?"

I agreed and we walked on. The children were there waiting for us when we arrived. They couldn't have had bigger smiles on their face when we walked in holding hands. We silently took our places and I said our dinner prayer as the prepared dishes came out. I said, "Amen," with a mouth full of drool over the delicious looking ham that was at the center of our table. The potatoes and the asparagus looked yummy themselves.

"Father," Leisl said as she dolloped potatoes onto her plate. "Where is Baroness Schraeder? I haven't seen her all day today."

"She is no longer here. She went back to Vienna," he bravely responded.

"Are we ever going to see her again?" Louisa asked.

"No, honey."

There was a collective silence when Captain told Louisa she wouldn't be seen again. I couldn't help but wonder what the children were thinking or feeling. Were they hurt she didn't even tell them goodbye? Were they happy she was gone?

"Fraulein Maria?" Brigitta asked.

"Yes, darling."

"Are you still going to be with us?"

I looked across the table at Captain when she asked me that. He smiled at me and I in turn smiled at him.

"Yes, I am staying," I said.

"You're all we need," she said. I looked around at all the children and even Captain nodding in agreement. I have never been so touched in all my life.


End file.
